Kieran Davies attempts to make sense of a week of waxing lyrical, sucker punches, and Mike Phelan grinning.
Possession is nine-tenths of the law, unless you couldn’t score in a women’s prison with a handful of pardons, like Jurgen Klopp’s team last week. The big German had a lesson last weekend of the boxer who takes punch after punch until out of nowhere comes that sucker punch that catches you and floors you! His team continued spraying lefts and rights trying to get back into the fight before WHAM, that hand comes from nowhere and catches you again! Liverpool were the creators of their own downfall however and gave possession away like a junkie selling their finest goods at Cash Generator to get their next fix! Will Nathaniel Clyne and Daniel Sturridge have sleepless nights in the parts they played in both goals? Will they hell as like. The latter even had the audacity to come out in the press later in the week to voice his distain for not being played as the club’s main striker and having to settle with being played out of position. This coming from a professional hospital patient who has had his career blighted by football! He seems to forget that his most successful season at the club, a certain Luis Suarez played as the main striker but he still managed to perform from the left flank. After his performance against Burnley he should have been pleased that he even was granted a seat on the bus for the trip to Burton. This is the state of the modern game, too many players waxing lyrical in the press instead of doing their talking on the pitch. Let’s see if he turns up at White Hart Lane this weekend and prevents his team from going into the international break with a poor points return from their first three games.
Tottenham meanwhile ground out a hard fought win over Palace in a London derby to secure their first win of the season and remain unbeaten this season thus far. A victory over Klopp’s side this weekend would send the Spurs faithful into the international break with an impressive seven points from a possible nine and some happy cockney sparra’s! A strange match up this one as Liverpool have turned this fixture into a prosperous one over the past few seasons but this time they face a side who have yet to concede a goal this season. Not a very ominous sign for a side who were firing more blanks than the territorial army last weekend. Elsewhere most peoples top tip for relegation, Hull City, are lavishing in a 100% start to the season. A solid victory at Swansea last time out saw Mike Phelan grinning like the proverbial Cheshire cat! Just imagine what they could do with a full squad of 25 senior players!!! This weekend they face the 2016/17 Premier League champions at home, hold on, no they don’t (must stop listening to Man Utd fans proclaiming wins over Bournemouth and Southampton have resulted in the title already being won!) but Jose’s champions elect travel to the KC Stadium with both sides looking to maintain their 100% starts to the season.
Meanwhile on the Spanish side of Manchester, Pepe’s City face the side conquered by a bunch of Romanian farmers to ensure the olympic stadium doesn’t see any action from Europe unless they hire it out to the tribute act famed for their rendition of ‘The Final Countdown’. After dropping Joe Hart like he is solely responsible for all cases of dandruff within the squad, Guardiola has made a fantastic start as City manager and will expect his star studded squad to add more misery to a week to forget for Danny Dyer. The only way he can rub salt in the wound of West Ham’s main geezer more, would be to bring on Mark Wright to take an 89th minute penalty to add a final goal to a game more resembling a cricket score! Goals are not an issue for Sergio and his team mates currently as they stuck four in the back of the net last week to prove to all ‘they can do it at a wet and windy Stoke’.
Mark Hughes will be searching for a first win of the season but this wont be an easy task as they travel to Goodison Park to face Koeman’s Everton. The Dutchman will be pleased with their work last week as his side bounced back from going behind at West Brom to come away with all the spoils. A good run out for his side midweek saw a lot of Everton’s jaded Euro’s stars find some much needed match fitness and will go into this home game full of confidence (ironically the game before they all trot off on international duty again!) After an embarrassing defeat in the week against lowly opposition, Pullis will be looking to bounce back with another home game this week. Unbeaten Middlesbrough are the visitors this week and The Baggies will need to up their game if they want grab their first win of the season. Baggies fans are definitely not in a ‘boing boing’ mood currently and know they need to start stepping up to the plate or it could be a long painful season for a Midlands side again this year. Talking of unhappy fans who wouldn’t stop if they saw their team’s manager step out in front of their car, Arsenal travel to Watford for a derby of sorts. Walter Mazzarri’s side, beaten by a late Chelsea goal last week (debatably by a player who should’ve been sent off before his goal), then embarrassed by lower league opposition in the EFL Cup, will really want to ensure Wenger’s side go into the international break winless in the league. While Gunners fans still feel nauseous over news that the Frenchman has opened his proverbial wallet (yes apparently the Queen on the notes squinted, shocked by the bright light) to splash £50m on someone deemed surplus to requirements at Everton and a striker who has only registered double figures in his goal return once in his career but peddles himself a ‘striker’, a poor result here may go unnoticed with North London fans.
Conte’s Chelsea will look to maintain their perfect start at home against Liverpool’s victors this weekend, looking to repeat the feat of Accrington Stanley (exactly!) in turning over the ginger Mourinho’s side. If he performs anything like the real one did at The Bridge last season, this should be an easy task for the Italian’s new side. Unless of course its third time lucky for the officials and Costa finally gets his marching orders this week! The proverbial six pointer takes place at Selhurst Park this weekend as Palace face Bournemouth. With Pardew’s £32m man likely to start this could be a good time for him to start repaying the South Londoner’s investment. But as Palace defender Delaney pointed out in an interview for all those with impaired sight…….he’s not Lionel Messi! Southampton will be keen to register a win to appease their fans that this was not the summer they sold their soul against self confessed relegation fodder Sunderland. What an awe inspiring comment that was by their new manager! In all fairness, watching their first two games, he’s not far wrong as their defence seems capable of letting more in than German border control guards currently. The tinkerman will be hoping that he can register Leicester’s first win since their momentous Premier League title with Swansea City visiting the crisp packet stadium today. After being humbled by Hull City at home, the same side who turned over Ranieri’s men on the opening day, it’s time for champions to stand and be counted as going into the international break would make the experienced Italian seem like a right Kante amongst the hoards of fans who burnt their Chelsea and Man City tops in April! But like a wise taxi driver said to me in the streets of Amsterdam when asked what the city was like…….’if you have money, anyshing is poshible!’
