Cesc Fabregas has been unfairly rapped by the FA for allegedly referring to Pope Benedict XVl as a ‘muff-diver’.
It all began when silly-haired ‘striker’ Louis Saha nabbed the opening goal in Everton’s away defeat to Arsenal this week.
The goal was clearly offside and as the players walked off at half-time the Arsenal skipper angrily confronted the fourth official to make his objections known.
After the match, following the Gunners second-half comeback, the visitor’s reptilian gaffer David Moyes claims he overheard what was said and that Fabregas should have been given a straight red for his mysterious, but obviously inflammatory, remarks.
Since then both Moyes and Wegner have been participating in a game of Chinese whispers through the media which has ultimately resulted in the Spanish midfield maestro being given a severe reprimand for words he probably didn’t utter.
Moyes intimated on Wednesday that the outburst contained the mischievous query ‘Have Everton paid you guys?’, a line of questioning obviously made in jest considering Everton can’t even afford to pay the wages of James Beattie at present.
A journalist, unable to understand Moyes’ permanently-aggrieved Scottish accent, misheard the final word for ‘gays’ and reported this back to a colleague in London who promptly passed the message onto Wegner at his press conference.
The studious Frenchman intoned sternly ‘There is no place for homophobia in sport. Least of all aimed towards the men in black’.
A clearly bemused Moyes immediately went on the defensive and questioned aloud ‘Why is he accusing me of such things? Has he seen our salmon away strip? We clearly have no problem with the gay community. This must be a joke surely? I know that Arsene likes to kid’.
Again a breakdown in communication resulted in an unfortunate misunderstanding as Wegner misconstrued the final sentence. Following years of scurrilous, unfounded rumours about the manager’s fondness for blooding youngsters he was understandably outraged at hearing a fellow manager add weight to the disgraceful innuendos that have tainted his reign at the Emirates.
He described the remarks as being ‘beyond the pale’ which Moyes in turn perceived as a taunt on his fair skin.
‘I have a northern complexion. It’s not my fault,’ he brooded the next day. Visibly upset by the supposed jibe his accent was even more slurry than usual as he retorted ‘Right, that’s it. I’m going to tell you exactly what Fabregas said. He asked if the ref was on our pay-roll then – and how’s this for hypocrisy? – he accused Fellaini of diving in an attempt to get an Arsenal player booked. His exact words were ‘Have Everton paid you guys? And I hope….enough!’. He then pointed at Fellaini. ‘Diver’’.
Reporters struggled to decipher the incomprehensible ramblings and misheard ‘hope’ for ‘pope’, ‘enough’ for ‘muff’ and now Fabregas faces a huge fine and possible recriminations from the Catholic Church.
