Lovable Cockney rogue and former second hand car dealer Harry Redknapp was last night being lauded as a tactical genius on a par with Rinus Michels and General George Patton after outfoxing the cream of Europe to help Spurs progress to the quarter finals of the Champions League.
Whilst his peer, and local rival, Arsene Wenger came unstuck on Tuesday evening in Barcelona attempting to play attractive open football shrewd old ‘Arry – who doesn’t even wear glasses or speak with an arty-farty foreign accent – has again proven that he is the true deep-thinking professor of the beautiful game by consistently outwitting the supposed elite with his rag-tag group of bargain basement buys
Redknapp’s squad was cobbled together for the measly sum of £178 million which has meant the tax-paying genius had had to rely solely on ingenuity and his legendary ‘street-smarts’ to defeat the welter of superior, and wealthier, opponents the brave North London minnows have somehow managed to overcome thus far.
His astute masterplan consists of lumping a diagonal long ball up to the other one from The Office from the full-back position and have someone such as Van Der Vaart following up on the knock-down.
It is a complex strategy that has perplexed and bewildered the finest footballing minds across Europe since their campaign began in August, and domestically in the Premier League for the past few seasons.
Last night tributes flooded in for England’s self-appointed future boss from all corners of the game. Acclaimed expert Clive Tyldesley, a man widely known for his wisdom and sense of proportion, referred to Redknapp as ‘a miracle worker’, whilst one awestruck spectator leaving White Hart Lane proclaimed him ‘a strategy Einstein’.
The fan, replete with cheap jewellery and proudly bearing a tattoo of a cock on his forearm, added, ‘We should get him out there in Afghanistan. Bomb those ragheads with diagonal missiles. That would sort em aaaht.’
Yet it appears there may be the twist in the tail. As the Cutter was preparing to go to print late into the evening it emerged that possibly the artful strategist’s brilliant scheme is not as original and devastatingly clever as first assumed.
We received a phone call from an extremely irate man with an accent so southern we initially believed he was putting it on for comical effect.
It belonged to ex-Wimbledon gaffer Dave Bassett and to say he wasn’t happy with the Redknapp eulogizing would be something of an understatement.
‘Everyone’s giving it all that. Calling him a visionary. A tactical Billy Big-Bollocks. The thing is, we were doing that down Plough Lane nearly thirty years ago! Swap that scrawny freak up front for Fash and you’ve got the Crazy Gang Mk II.’
‘I’ve got a good mind to sue but Minder’s on Gold in a minute. Luvvly.’