Late last week the Professional Footballer’s Association announced their nominees for this season’s player of the year award.
The surprising omission of Nani aside the list was largely as expected with Bale, Nasri, Vidic all in the running.
Here at the Cutter though we think that sustained excellence is all well and good….but what about the flip-side of the coin?
Who has been as disappointing as when Richard Hammond blinked on the airfield? As erratic as a McIlroy final round? Who has been the biggest flop since the time we accidentally flicked over to the Tsunami news report whilst watching Babestation?
Here are our nominees. The winner will duly receive our trophy made of scrap metal sculpted to resemble the Daybreak studio in the second-class post.
Stevie Ireland – Nicknamed ‘Superman’ by Man City fans the Irishman blessed with multiple grandmothers evidently swallowed a big chunk of kryptonite at some point last year. Or perhaps he’s allergic to pink leather car seats? Whatever the cause for his remarkable disappearance as a creative midfield force it’s going to take more than ‘fresh starts’ at different clubs to solve the conundrum. No matter where he goes Ireland will always have to take along his messed up head.
Fernando Torres – A faint reflection of an echo of a shadow of his former self, Nando’s prolonged demise has been bewildering to witness. For twelve long months now he appears to have all life-force sucked out of him. Is it the injuries finally taking their toll, a dearth of confidence, or the burdensome weight of expectation? Frankly who cares anymore? Watching a fifty million dud regularly drudge his way through ninety minutes of turmoil has become a macabre national entertainment. Like witnessing someone with learning disabilities stumble about drunk we know we shouldn’t take such entertainment and humour from it…but we do.
For Chelsea fans it is not the goal draught that’s the concern – that happens to the best of strikers – its his overall sullen demeanour, leaden movement that was once so sprightly, and an inexplicable wayward touch that suggests he might just become the highest profile flop in the history of the British game.
Paul Konchesky – The shaven-headed left-back ground out season after season of under-rated reliability for middling London clubs before finally being offered his big break. The Anfield club meanwhile had long been cursed with a litany of inept chancers on the left side of their defence and would have gladly taken a continuation of Konchesky’s proficiency. It all appeared so simple and straight-forward.
Instead the player, whose crazy, trailer-trash mum makes Kerry Katona look like a Roedean debutante, will now eke our the rest of his career in the lowest echelons after blowing his opportunity big-time with a string of piss-poor performances.
Joe Cole – The third Liverpool player on the list. Cole’s arrival last summer was supposed to herald in a new optimistic dawn at Anfield. Instead he’s had the appearance of a guy struggling to remember the basics of his game.
Things aren’t expected to improve either for the likable geezer – it’s quite evident that Dalglish doesn’t fancy him.
Nikola Zigic – The 6ft 8 giant with the girl’s name was bought to provide a muscular physical presence up front for Brum. A sort of upgrade on Cameron Jerome. Instead the Serb appears to suffer from vertigo that keeps his boots firmly rooted to the turf at all times. On the rare occasions that he actually does summon up the bravery to head the ball his sense of direction is so haphazard it’s as likely to trickle to the corner flag than find the back of the net. A colossal waste of space and money.
Wayne Rooney – A recent resurgence in form and impact doesn’t detract from an overall nightmare year for the 18-certificate Shrek. With a quite startling collection of under-whelming performances, that began way back last summer during the World Cup, Rooney has brought the highly-profitable hype industry that surrounds him near to fore-closure.
Off-field scandals, all of them his own making, has obviously had a profoundly detrimental effect upon the player and caused him to routinely fire blanks – something Ashley Cole could only wish to have done. And Dwight Yorke too for that matter.
Who gets your vote? Let us know on Twitter (thedaisycutter1) or add Daisy Cutter on Facebook. Alternatively simply post your ballot on our messageboard.
