Arsenal gaffer – and part-time Basil Fawlty impersonator – Arsene Wenger was last night in frantic talks with club lawyers to check the legal conceivability of securing one of those super-injunction thingies that are all the rage at the moment following their 2-1 reverse to Bolton yesterday.

In a tense encounter at the Reebok Stadium Tamir Cohen’s last-minute header put paid to the Gunners’ title aspirations and consigned them to yet another trophyless season.

Wenger, who is a staunch believer of ‘If you didn’t see it then it didn’t happen’- otherwise known as the Coleen Rooney Principle – is convinced that, should the media be ordered to stay silent on the game then, in theory at least, nobody will be made aware of the result and, as such, the F.A would be forced to have it replayed.

The Cutter understands that his legal advisors gently attempted to remind Wenger of the millions who viewed the match live on Sky, not to mention the twenty-seven thousand supporters in attendance at the game itself.

The mad monsieur however was too busy blu-tacking a pencil up each nostril whilst wearing underpants on his head.


It is the latest in a series of desperate measures undertaken by Wenger who refuses to accept that scoring more goals than the opposition is the best way to end his silverware draught.

Late last week he was caught stock-piling voting slips for the forthcoming AV referendum believing that he could personally influence the final decision. Should he have been successful the deluded old goat intended to persuade the F.A into adopting a similar scheme where, even though United would be ‘first past the post’ with more points come the end of the season, it would be Arsenal lifting the trophy because they were more generally admired.

The Arsenal chief is not the only person seeking a super-injunction this weekend however. It is also rumoured that Brum boss Alex McLeish sought a similar news blackout following their thrashing at Anfield on Saturday. Though in his case it wasn’t the result he wished to remain secret, rather the embarrassing fact that piss-poor duffer Maxi Rodriguez scored a hat-trick.