43 – Minutes where Joe Cole looked like being a good signing for Liverpool.

2984 – The amount of times Blackpool were referred to as ‘a breath of fresh air’. That’s nearly three thousand cliché-peddlers who quite clearly haven’t been to Blackpool anytime recently.

8 million – The number of occasions that the media mentioned Javier ‘Little Pea’ Hernandez’s bargain fee. Ferguson signs a decent player for under ten million? Well statistically it had to happen at some point.

27 – Out of work managers who turned their phones off during January when West Ham were looking to replace Avram Grant.

67 – Games that Roque Santa Cruz missed due to suffering a ‘frightened toenail’ or ‘slightly moistened kneecap’.

23,481 – The average amount of passes Arsenal made during each match.

0.7 – The average amount of goals Arsenal scored during each match.

0 – Number of flowers tended by Roberto Di Matteo during his brief enforced stint of ‘gardening leave’ in February. When did managers stop getting even the dignity of a straightforward sacking?

12 – In inches, the accumulative average distance of all Stoke goals this term.

7 – Amount of warts on Andy Townsend’s face. A 14% increase on last year’s five.

10 – Games that United would have lost before Christmas if the opposition had shown them even a fraction less respect and a touch more ambition. Bitter? Me? Yes.

2 – Tons of kryptonite that Stevie ‘Superman’ Ireland has evidently swallowed.

74 – Patrick Vieira’s age before Christmas

34 – Patrick Vieira’s age after Christmas

8 – The average distance in yards between Jermaine Beckford’s first and second touch.

'I remember when this was all fields'