Lovable Cockney rogue ‘Arry Redknapp has appealed to FIFA to at least consider the benefits of implementing a dramatic rule change to football next season.

Following his side’s costly 2-1 reversal to Chelsea at the weekend, to a Lampard strike that clearly didn’t cross the whole of the line, the Spurs gaffer, and scourge of the tax-man, is calling for a complete scrapping of goalposts in favour of two mounds of training tops and pullovers.

A dejected Harry, whose face looked so sullen it resembled week-old blancmange sliding slowly off a plate, spoke out at a press conference yesterday morning.

‘We need to get back to the good ol’ days when fings were fair. I don’t ever recall a contentious decision when me and the boys used to have a knockabout in the local park. And these were tough geezers we’re talking about. Ronnie, Reggie, Charlie, all triffic fellas. If the ball did land in that area there’d usually be a stray arm of someone’s jacket that hadn’t been folded properly to signify that the ball was still in play. The authorities make fings too complicated these days and I’m sure yer common-or-garden man in the street will agree with me once again.’

'Small boys in the park. Jumpers for goalposts. Rush goalie. Triffic.'

It is not the first time that Tottenham have been swindled by a highly-dubious goal-line decision. In 2005 they were on the other end of a wrong call at Old Trafford when Pedro Mendes looped in a forty-yarder than didn’t just cross the line, it virtually landed many miles away in the actual city of Manchester.

Saturday’s cock-up will only increase pressure on the governing bodies to reconsider introducing goal-line technology in a bid to avoid future controversies. It is thought they will either favour an official viewing the incident on a screen up in the stands or the Cairos GLT System that sends electronic data to the referee’s watch. Not, it seems, Harry’s nostalgic ramblings.

Redknapp meanwhile also revealed a possible transfer target for Spurs in the summer.

Pippa Derriere is an up-and-coming sensation who made all the headlines this weekend and, in typical wheeler-dealer fashion, the crafty old goat is keen to swoop early.

‘I’ve heard he’s a solid French defender, really firm at the back. Got triffic movement too. Our coaching staff, particularly Les Ferdinand, couldn’t stop raving about the lad’.

‘In fact I overheard him on Friday exclaiming ‘Harry’s going to be straight on that!’’