Warning: The story you are about to read may contain traces of sarcasm.
The whole of Scotland are currently engrossed in one of the closest, most unusual title races in living memory.
As the SPL reaches its exciting conclusion just two teams remain in contention both of whom have struggled in recent years.
Strong pre-season favourites Hearts lie third and are now out of the running but their skipper Tosh McIntosh was magnanimous in wishing both the Glasgow minnows Rangers and Celtic well.
‘To be honest they deserve their day in the sun considering all their years in the wilderness. I hope the players are revelling in every column inch and the media glare. Ourselves, Dundee United, Motherwell and Hibs have all massively under-performed this year and it’s given them the opportunity to sneak up and take the plaudits for once. Which is no bad thing I guess because, with the four of us seemingly taking it in turns to win things, it was all getting a bit predictable and monotonous.’
Only one point separates the Gers and Hoops and the titanic battle between the local rivals is expected to go right to the wire.
Up until the late-1960s they were one club – Celtic Rangers – until two prominent members of the board had a disagreement over how silly religion was, each claiming it was more silly than the other. A split was amicably organised and ever since their mutual history has been one of friendly banter and convivial comradeship as both eked out an existence in the lower echelons of the Scottish leagues. On several occasions, during particularly bleak periods, one has gladly helped out the other by loaning players and even financial assistance, and their surprising recent success is considered by many to be a victory for decency over grubby commerce.
It is hoped that others will follow suit.
Irrespective of which team triumphs in a fortnight’s time a joint open-top bus tour around the city has already been planned to celebrate the fine achievements of both sides this term, the bus symbolically painted in an understated blue and green.
Yet all this long-standing respect and harmony threatened briefly to unravel last month due to an unfortunate misunderstanding.
A home-made cake, baked by a Gers fan and bearing the icing ‘All the best Neil pal. To you and the bhoys’ was intercepted by police after it was discovered to contain dairy – a mishap that was thankfully quickly forgiven by the lactose intolerant Celtic boss.
In a bid to restore goodwill Lennon was later snapped by the press jokily recoiling from a chocolate éclair.