Managers…you’ve gotta love em. Okay, you’ve got to hate most of them with a bitter vengeance – we’re almost contractually obliged as fans to do so – but we can still certainly get a kick from their moments of sheer lunacy or inspiration.
Here Kevin Henning choices five of his favourite managerial moments with part two in the Cutter this Tuesday.
Ferguson flies to Dublin.
At the start of the season, Manchester United’s playing staff reported back for pre-season training but one member of the squad was a notable absentee. David Beckham had allegedly notified his manager Alex Ferguson that he would be skipping training for a couple of days due to an illness.
Now it’s not the best kept secret that Ferguson has a large network of spies mostly around the Manchester area but extended to most corners of the British Isles, who see it as their duty to report any inappropriate behaviour involving his players to the Ayattolah Hogmanay. One of these brown noses had apparently spotted Goldenballs and his straight-faced wife holidaying in Dublin and alerted Ferguson to the situation. The Glaswegian Gargoyle did what comes as naturally to him as waking up does to us normal folk, he went to extreme lengths to humiliate somebody.
It is said that Alex Ferguson found out what flight the celebrity couple were due to return to Manchester on, travelled to the Emerald Isle himself and then booked the aisle seat next to Posh and Becks. Fergie then climbs aboard the aircraft and plonks himself next to the romantics with a shrewd grim slapped across his fizzog. The next hour or so were spent in a glorious, deafening silence. To put the cherry on top of this bitter tasting cake, Ferguson requests that David report to his office the next morning whilst strutting across the tarmac at Terminal 2. The face I’d most like to have seen during this whole escapade however, would be the pouted Posh Spice. Maybe the wind changed direction at Manchester Airport at that precise moment , it would explain why she hasn’t managed a smile since.
Redknapp cancels takeaway order.
In 1984, AFC Bournemouth were drawn to play Manchester United in the FA Cup 3rd round. It was going to take an epic giant-killing for the Cherries to overcome Stretford’s finest down on the Sarf coast. As is tradition in these types of cup games, the local press, public and businesses all rallied round to build-up the match. The town had cup fever. Local Italian restaurant Di Luca’s went as far as offering Bournemouth keeper Ian Leigh free pizzas for a lifetime he kept out the rags frontline.
Big Ron strolled onto the Villa Park pitch, cleared his throat and treated the Holte End to a rendition of Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’
As we all know, Harry Redknapp’s charges turned the red devils over 2-0 and everyone was happy except for Ron Atkinson and his motley crue of underachievers. Leigh could look forward to as many cheap dates as he liked as long as the lady loved pepperoni. Within months however, the goalkeeping hero was informed that his “lifetime supply” had ran out. The restaurant had been bought and the new management had decided not to honour the deal.
The new proprietor? Why obviously, one Harry Redknapp.
George Graham ties his players up.
Legend has it that whilst in the process of perfecting his sides ruthlessly efficient offside trap, ex-Arsenal manager George Graham went to extreme measures to drill home an understanding of the instruction “to keep a line”. The dour one is said to have tied Messrs Winterburn, Bould, Adams and Dixon together using a length of rope that stretched almost the width of the pitch. At this moment in time, our investigators can neither confirm nor deny that a spring loaded gadget was inserted in the right armpit of Tony Adams which was triggered whenever the ball was played between him and the Gunners’ goal causing Adams’ arm to shoot skywards.
Phil Brown puts Tigers in detention.
After a bright start to life in the Premier League, Hull City had begun to find the going tough during December. A0-4 defeat to Sunderland at the KC Stadium was followed by a daunting trip to Eastlands to face a Manchester City side which included the talents of Stephen Ireland, Robinho and Shaun Wright-Phillips. By half-time the hosts were 4-0 up and looking as though they may hit double figures if things carried on in the same fashion during the second period. As the half-time whistle blew, the perma-tanned Tigers manager, Phil Brown decided he’d seen enough and marched across the pitch towards his clubs fans. Gathering his troops, he proceeded to give them a rollicking right there on the grass. They were not to be allowed to return to the warmth of the dressing room and therefore braved the cold, boxing day conditions for a solid two hours. It was the beginning of the end of Brown’s time at Hull City with the Tigers winning just 6 from 47 league matches until Brown’s sacking in March 2010.
Big Ron serenades the Holte End.
Upon conceding defeat to Manchester United in the Premier League title race of 1992-93, Ron Atkinson decided the time was right to unleash his vocal talents into the stratosphere of football. After Aston Villa’s 1-0 defeat to Oldham Athletic, Big Ron strolled onto the Villa Park pitch, cleared his throat and treated the Holte End to a rendition of Frank Sinatra’s ‘My Way’. Such self-indulgent showmanship after slipping to second place has never been seen since. Ron lollipopped his way across the turf with a glint in his eye and reflected on a job not done not quite well enough. Regrets? Shaun Teale had a few, and ultimately the Villains had bitten off more than they could chew.
Alas, the record shows, they took the blows and finished second.
Whilst writing this article, I have realised where Phil Brown got his inspiration from. The perma -tan, the serenading of supporters to celebrate failure and talking a whole load of bollocks.
