Marshmellow-faced geezer Harry Redknapp was rightfully miffed this weekend when a litany of reffing howlers cost his Spurs side at least a point at Stoke.
The tax-wary man of the people unleashed a classic old skool post-match rant that included several broadsides at referee Chris Foy and his blundering assistants. Rather wonderfully it contained the line “They don’t make mistakes on purpose but he’ll look at it tonight on TV when his wife is making him a bacon sandwich and he’ll think ‘Fuck me, what have I done there?’”
Unfortunately his old cronies in the press room edited out the rest to spare his blushes but thankfully the Cutter was on hand and we dutifully wrote down every damning word.
Here is the quite astonishing transcript in full:
Redknapp spies a female employee of Stoke City FC in the press throng and describes her audibly into the microphone as ‘a tasty bit of skirt’ before winking at her.
He waves away the first question and instead embarks on a nonsensical tirade.
“He’s usually a good lad is Chris…plays the game y’know what I mean….but he got himself into a right two and eight with some of the decisions today. I swear you could write down his gaffes on two sides of a brown envelope. They don’t make mistakes on purpose but he’ll look at it tonight on TV when his wife is making him a bacon sandwich and he’ll think ‘Fuck me, what have I done there? Though I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t have a missus judging by his short cropped hair. Probably a right bender. That’s maybe not a bad thing considering all the dollys in the game right now. We don’t need another one at home giving it all that into our official’s ears. (Adopts high-pitched voice) ‘Why didn’t you book that nasty big man? He hurt the good looking one’.”
“There is even a sort now on the Chelsea bench dressed like a physio…what’s she there for? To hoover the bleedin’ dug-out? What’s her fella going to do for some scran while she’s out playing at being nursey? The world has made all sorts of advancements but as far as I know chops don’t make themselves.”
“I blame that Jermaine Jenas”…(we assume he is referring to Germaine Greer but are collectively too scared to interrupt his flow)….”Have you seen the mush on that? With such a miserable boat-race its little wonder she’s never found a husband to take good care of her”.
At this point the female Stoke employee leaves the room in disgust. Redknapp watches her depart – ogling her thighs approvingly – before placing one hand on his opposing elbow and clenching his fist looking for all the world like a fat Robin Askwith.