Much-loved Liverpool forward Luis Suarez has once again insisted that his heinous actions have been lost in translation following his one-match ban for raising his middle finger towards Fulham fans.

The ban starts with immediate effect meaning the South American row-Z troubler will miss tonight’s game with Newcastle. This is on top of the eight match suspension the misunderstood genius has already been given by the F.A for his racial slurs towards Patrice Evra back in October. Then Suarez claimed vociferously that the word he aimed towards the Manchester United defender – ‘Negrito’ – is a commonly used term of affection back in his native Uruguay, translating as ‘Little black slave friend’ or, in some rural regions of the country, ‘Willis from Different Strokes’.

Now the player is mounting a similar defence stating that the act of raising a middle finger means something entirely different in South America than it does here in Blighty.

Struggling to speak coherently through his comedy donkey teeth Luis spoke exclusively to the Cutter upon hearing the news of his latest punishment.

‘It is hurtful to think that Fulham supporters were offended by my respectful gesture.

Showing the middle finger in Montevideo does not signify fingering the moist vaginal area of a Toxteth slapper as I’ve now been told it does over here. It is a symbol of admiration. I was merely saluting the fans of Fulham FC and telling them ‘Yes, you have bested me today and for that I wish to offer you a box of new-born puppies’.

Clearly frustrated at the cultural mix-up the player went on the say, ‘I am gutted at missing this evening’s respectful match. I was hoping to fling my own shit at the followers of Newcastle which in my beautiful country is our way of wishing a very happy new year’.