Who would win in a one-off game between the very best La Liga has to offer and the equally star-studded Premier League? Well, as Harry Hill says, there’s only one way to find out. Tom Exelby is the ref, judge and jury.

DISCLAIMER- the following is a cliché riddled account of an event that never happened.






Nasri (Mata ’82)———————————————————————————————————-Bale





———————————-Xavi—————Ozil (Alonso ‘61)—————-Iniesta——————————-

Ronaldo(Alexis ’14)  ————————————Villa———————————————————Messi

The build up to this epic encounter had been so great that many of us feared that the event itself was destined to disappoint, how wrong we were. In the Stade de France last night the English taught their Iberian cousins a brutal lesson as goals from David Silva and a second half double from substitute Juan Mata  condemned the Spanish to defeat.

Much has been discussed with regard to the arrogance of the Spanish and their choosing of an all gold strip, and more fuel was added to the fire just before kick off as Sir Alex Ferguson  branded the kit “completely gay”. Homosexual or not the Spanish were certainly enjoying themselves in the opening 20 minutes as they raced into a two goal lead. Controversy will surround the first which came from the penalty spot following a disgraceful Cristiano Ronaldo dive, Nemanja Vidic summed up opinion after the game “I never touched him, watch the replay, he just flips through the air it’s like magic or something and the broken leg is a coincidence if you ask me”  the Serb is completely correct in my opinion but the referee awarded the penalty anyway, efficient German Mesut Ozil dispatched confidently.

The second from La Liga was a scrappy goal as Argentine midget Lionel Messi  rounded 6 Premier League players and blasted in from 20 yards, Messi got lucky as the ball scraped the post on its way in. Vidic argued “Its a fluke because if it goes a few inches the other way he misses and then everyone will think hes a s*** c***, which he is.”

If there is one thing the English do well though it is epic comebacks in the last minute of big games and last night was no different.  Rooney who battled tirelessly throughout struck the post and David Silva was on hand to knock in the rebound. The City man was delighted and the Premier League fans in the Stadium serenaded him with a beautiful rendition of Hi Ho Silva Scoring. The Premier League were back in the game and manager Alex Ferguson smelt blood “I felt we could do it, we were playing well and when I saw there were 29 minutes of added time I thought well lets go for it”. Go for it they did as Juan Mata scored the goals needed to complete a remarkable comeback, and prove once and for all the Premier League is the best in the world.