Whoever bought Joseph Anthony Barton a box-set of Citizen Smith for Christmas clearly did so as a joke intended as a gentle ribbing of his self-styled Twitter persona of a freedom-fighting everyman.
Unfortunately it appears that the joke has somewhat backfired with Barton believing the hours of television he has become completely obsessed with isn’t a hit 70’s sitcom written by Only Fools scribe John Sullivan and starring Robert Lindsey but in fact a series of hard-hitting documentaries revealing the true plight of the downtrodden proletariat.
Indeed the Cutter can reveal that the hapless struggles of Lindsey’s character has so inspired the moustached footballer that he has vowed to pick up his fallen sword of justice and continue to fight the good fight.
Typically for the Smiths loving tweet and tender hooligan it all began with a rather confused 140-character message left on his beloved social network site.
‘Mao Tse Tung, Che Guevara, Dr King, ‘Wolfie’ Smith…the world always kills the truth-sayers’.
Bizarrely this was followed shortly after with a further tweet proclaiming ‘Come the revolution you’re gonna be 1st against the wall’ with an accompanying twitpic of former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis.
It is believed that Barton took grave exception to something the milfy rearer of moon-faced singer Sophie uttered about benefit cheats on The Wright Stuff one morning before leaving for training.
‘The Glorious Day has arrived comrades. We shall take Parliament by dawn.’
Barton’s insanity has since escalated wildly with the formerly decent midfielder forming a Shepherd’s Bush Popular Front movement that states in its crudely crayoned manifesto that ‘All possession is theft’ and ‘The shrinking of modern Mars Bars is capitalist oppression’.
The manifesto – that is actually one side of a cereal box – is adorned with a sketch of the glorified 6th form politics student wearing a white and blue beret in the colours of QPR with his fist clenched above him. Barton and his ragtag gang of urban guerrillas are believed to convene on a weekly basis in a boozer close to Loftus Road where they sip J20s, Google insurrectionary quotes, and discuss the imminent collapse of the nanny state.
Sadly events took a more serious turn last week when the socially-aware scouser – high on delusions of grandeur – coerced the SBPF into nicking a tank from a nearby barracks and heading for Britain’s centre of power.
Late on Tuesday evening he tweeted,
‘The Glorious Day has arrived comrades. We shall take Parliament by dawn.’
Unfortunately when Barton and a handful of his Twitter followers turned up unannounced at the Palace of Westminster there was only Beryl the cleaner around due to the early hour. Because of her proletariat status Barton felt it would be wrong to unleash centuries of justice on an elderly lady brandishing a duster so they instead disrupted a rack of tour guides and duly scarpered.
Power to the people.