So after an engrossing and often hilarious trial the only transgressions we’ve discovered for certain about Harry Redknapp is that he has the literacy of a toddler; he is ‘the most disorganized person in the world’; that he cannot work a computer – ‘I don’t know what an email is’ – and that he has never sent a text message in his life.
This is the man the English public are supposedly clamouring to have as their next national football coach.
The prolificacy of Her Majesties Revenue and Customs to ultimately determine that Redknapp was not guilty of evading paying income tax on £189,000 paid into an off-shore account in Monaco under the name of his pet dog – it was apparently a ‘gift’ by former chairman Milan Mandaric and not a bonus connected to a Peter Crouch transfer despite the court hearing on tape Redknapp describe it as such to journalist Rob Beasley – has been the matter of widespread consternation.
Five years and close to seven million pounds spent by the national purse merely to discover that a high-profile manager doesn’t know his arse from his elbow.
It should be noted however that it took us just over four years – and a mind-boggling 24 million quid – to find out the same about Capello. At least now that he’s jetted off back to Sardinia with a fortune in sterling our players may understand basic instruction before taking on the world’s elite.
At the time of writing this – Thursday morning – it looks very likely that the switch from blind to dumb is imminent and that Henry James Redknapp – the People’s Prince – will be installed as Capello’s successor in a role often referred to as England’s most important job.
From a man who couldn’t speak our language to someone who cannot write it. I suppose that’s a progression of sorts.
The revelations concerning Redknapp’s stupidity – and stupidity is actually being kind.
Basing derogatory judgements on ‘Arry upon a two week trial where he was prepared to say anything to avoid imprisonment is perhaps being incongruous because there is no doubt he was coerced into playing the ‘idiot card’ in court. It seems that the ancient legal principle of ignorantia juris non excusat (‘ignorance of the law does not excuse’) no longer applies to the modern-day British justice system. Which is great news for Jedward as it means they are now free to rape and pillage with full impunity.
“Boys, you’ve killed again”
“Ahh we don’t know any better Mr Police fellow. We can’t even tell each other apart”
“Fair enough. Just try not to do it again”
The revelations concerning Redknapp’s stupidity – and stupidity is actually being kind considering he is a 64-year old man who, by his own admission, has a mobile phone glued to his ear all day long but has not yet figured out how to use SMS and claimed his solicitor had never come across ‘anyone as bad businesswise as I am’ – should perhaps not come as too much of a surprise to anyone who has witnessed Redknapp at work over a career in management that has spanned nearly three decades.
Good old ‘Arry is a man not known for his extended vocabulary and is hardly endowed with the intelligence of a Wenger or the gruff shrewdness of Ferguson. He is a geezer aint he. A common sort. He gets by solely on his wits and charm; a lovable chancer who has the sports media firmly in his sky rocket by referring to them as ‘Robbo’ and ‘Curto’. He is football’s Del Boy. No income tax, no VAT.
Such traits can be of great merit to a gaffer and there is no disputing that Redknapp has got far on them. But what should be extremely concerning to all those who wish for this wheeler-dealing wideboy to take up the reins of a national side that is on the cusp of one of the most important reinventions for generations is his astonishing naivety and distrust of tactics.
Redknapp’s tactical naivety is well-known throughout football but his matey charms are enough to compensate at club level.
In an interview with The Sun (who else?) in August 2010 Redknapp reflected on an England victory the previous evening by stating that ‘tactics don’t win you matches’ and questioning ‘Was it 4-5-1? Or 4-3-3? Does it even matter?’
With no small degree of understatement I would suggest that knowing such rudimentary things does matter when facing the fluid, sophisticated examinations offered by a Spain or Argentina. I would further suggest that even treasuring the importance of tactical formations as if they are the keys to heaven itself and knowing every subtle nuance of every subtle strategic change probably won’t be enough with a limited set of over-hyped players but would at least give you a semblance of a chance.
Redknapp’s tactical naivety is well-known throughout football but his matey charms are enough to compensate at club level. Working week-in week-out with the same group of players allows his simplistic approach to management to flourish – select the best eleven at his disposal in a standard 4-4-2 set-up, keep them all sweet and get them playing as a happy unit. Job’s a good un.
On the international stage however his startling limitations will be exposed like a pub know-it-all transported to a Mensa symposium.
It did for Keegan. It will for Redknapp. Can’t we, as a nation, just for once learn from our past mistakes?
If we don’t press conferences will be conducted through car windows and there will be plenty of cringe worthy moments ahead of the Euro 2012 opener to France where ‘Arry states that Luic Remy is a ‘Triffic player. Special. But I can’t talk about him because he’s contracted to another country so I leave all that to my chairman’.
Without the ability to spend on a cornucopia of new faces or bond with his ‘boys’ on a daily basis Redknapp will be stripped of the very advantages that has brought him to this point. And England will be jettisoned back to the stone ages once more. The lessons from South Africa will all be for nothing. The promise and possibilities of a new dawn twinkling from the feet of Wilshere, Jones, Sturridge and co clouded in future failure. And the familiar plaintive cry will surely go up when this occurs “What are we doing wrong? What are the Europeans doing that we aren’t?”
They’re appointing coaches based upon competency not popularity that’s what. Because essentially that’s what Redknapp’s credentials boils down to – being a lovable rogue. He even comes with his own bulldog for added patriotic authenticity, a pooch that, on paper at least, is worth close to two hundred grand.
The game’s afoot: follow your spirit; and upon this charge cry ‘God for Harry, England, and Saint George!’ Count me out.
