“All that I know most surely about morality and obligations, I owe to football” Albert Camus

We say – Are you listening Carlos?

“My idea of paradise is a straight line to goal.” Friedrich Nietzsche

We say – Confirming our long-held suspicion that if Friedrich took to management he’d favour two strapping supermen up front and play route one.

“Power is only too happy to make football bear a diabolical responsibility for stupefying the masses” Jean Baudrillard.

We say – Oooh get him. We dread to think what the French postmodernist would have made of X-Factor.

“Beyond the touchline is nothing” Jacques Derrida

We say – A man patently in need of sex and alcohol but a beautiful thought nonetheless.

“In football everything is complicated by the presence of the other team” Jean Paul Satre

We say – Well f***ing duh!

“Football is a game for rough girls, not suitable for delicate boys” Oscar Wilde

We say – A shame really. We like the image of Oscar leaping like a salmon, scarf flapping in the breeze, as he nods one home for Reading Gaol.

“It’s not just a simple game. It’s a weapon of the revolution” Che Guevara

We say – Sigh. Always with the revolution. Could you not just take Saturday afternoons off Che?

“The imagined community of millions seems more real as a team of eleven named people” Eric Hobsbawm

We say – He was a Marxist you know.

“If the game is lost, your earthly life is wasted” Henrik Ibsen

We say – Typical pessimism from Norway’s arch-miserablist.