Inspired by Cardiff City’s controversial ‘rebranding’ of their kit and badge Fulham’s eccentric chairman Mohamed Al Fayed is seriously considering following suit and changing his team’s apparel to the royal blue of Chelsea.
After half-following the story yesterday the passport-deprived billionaire was particularly interested in the news that significant investment will automatically result from the Welshman’s identity mutation. Their Malaysian owners insist that over a hundred million will flow in to the club’s coffers once they change from being the Bluebirds to the Red Dragons which equates to a million for every year of history they’ve casually raped.
The Cutter understands that former luxury goods peddler Al Fayed in under the bizarre delusion that by prompting a similar switch to ape their neighbours Chelsea the Craven Cottage outfit will immediately be entitled to some of Roman Abramovich’s vast fortune. Furthermore, by disregarding their famous white and black and converting to a dark blue hue mediocre hoofers such as Dickson Etuhu and Phillipe Senderos will suddenly play like Champion’s League winners.
Early this morning a leading kit designer was invited to the club’s picturesque ground by the Thames to discuss the planned changes which include the designing of a new badge that features a lion rampant holding a staff. A sculptor has been employed to remodel the Michael Jackson statue into resembling 80s legend John Bumstead whilst a meeting has also been scheduled with Fulham’s PR department on how best to promote their freshly acquired nickname of the ‘new pensioners’.
Already however the Egyptian businessman has encountered a couple of stumbling blocks to his fanciful scheme. The Premier League swiftly forbid the intending renaming of the ground to Stamford Bridge whilst electronic giants Samsung initially considered the tempting proposition of free sponsorship but later declined due to not wanting their product promoted by the likes of Chris Baird.
The first set-back reputedly sent Al fayed into a frenzy of paranoid ranting as he is well-known to distrust the establishment at Soho Square. Previously he has aired his suspicions that David Bernstein and co are actually shape-shifting lizards and blames them directly for the broken arm suffered by the goalie in Escape To Victory.