In his new regular column Kieran Davies looks at mental defenders, mental managers, and Minder.
This week I awoke to the news that Paris Saint-Germain had signed David Luiz for £50m! My first reaction was to check that Russia hadn’t invaded overnight sending the pound’s value plummeting lower than the drachma but no news of an invasion. This was actually happening, the man aptly described as ‘playing like he’s been controlled by a ten year old on a Playstation’ is now the world’s most expensive defender………mental! He wouldn’t even feature in most people’s top ten Premier League centre backs let alone anything else. After just being hit with FFP sanctions Laurent Blanc’s side go out and show how little money means to them. Roman Abramovic must feel like he’s just found an untapped well under the Stamford Bridge pitch with that windfall. Elsewhere the other side hit by the same sanctions have gone to the other side of the spectrum and wont even fork out for a birthday card and cake for their captain Yaya Toure and now he too is being linked with a move to PSG. Considering Man City pay Yaya enough to finance his own civil war back home he comes across as an upset moody little boy with his comments. Blanc’s side are also being linked with moves for both Oscar and Eden Hazard which just sends the mind spinning on how their accountant plans on balancing those books before UEFA hit them with another crippling sanction such as 20,000 cloves of garlic or baguettes. If the rumours are true with these potential additions, PSG may have to sell that many football shirts that the entire world is wearing a Paris top by Christmas or hope that a country wants to sponsor their stadium! All this expenditure to win a mediocre league and chase that elusive dream of a Champions League trophy.
On that note this week saw Real Madrid win that trophy they have coveted for all too long against fellow Spanish side and local rivals Atletico Madrid. If any of the PSG hierarchy are reading this, it cost the Madrid club a reported £1bn in pursuit of Europe’s elite prize. That is some investment. As for the game itself for roughly 90 odd minutes Atletico’s game plan to nullify Real’s attack had seemed to work but eventually Simeone’s men may have paid the price for gambling enough on the counter attack when camped out in their own half for prolonged periods absorbing the Real pressure. It left them susceptible to that sucker punch and what a cruel blow that must have been to their faithful.
Minutes away from winning their second major trophy of the season and something which will no doubt unfortunately leave a bitter taste in what should be a season of sweet success for the underdogs from La Liga. The manager himself seemed to lose the plot towards the end of extra time, tearing onto the pitch to square up to Madrid’s Varane. The man being touted this season as the best manager in Europe seemingly hitting the self destruct button and started showing everyone the temperament that led to David Beckham kicking out at him in anger. This aside well done to Atletico Madrid as it was refreshing to see Barcelona and Real Madrid’s stranglehold on this league broken as it was when Valencia did likewise under Benitez.
The Championship playoff final is supposedly the biggest sport’s prize for a one off game with this season promotion to the Premier League being valued at an astronomical £120m. It is unfortunate that despite this the average football fan is treated to a game so poor that all it does is make them dwell over what jobs theyve got to do around the house still. This season’s spectacle was no better with the only excitement being in the split second the counter attack goal was scored. QPR with all their riches gaining promotion with their one and only shot on target in the game. I swear I even caught Harry Redknapp watching Minder on his smartphone at one stage this game was that boring. It was clear from the outset that this encounter was the ‘see who’s down by Christmas’ match up. That puts me out there to be proved wrong but QPR tried a PSG approach last time, all be it on a much smaller scale, which didn’t work out too well for them at all. It was nice to see everyone’s (bar Daniel Levy) favourite crafty cockney get some recognition for his work and he will be an appealing addition to the Premier League. If anyone ever doubted Tony Fernandes’ love for the club (or maybe his bank balance) his spirited dancing all over Wembley should have put their minds at ease. I did pause the moment he went on Joey Barton’s shoulders envisaging a Steve Morrow groundhog day moment but Joey grasped the owner’s legs as he did the French language.
Louis Van Gaal has been talking more about who he DOESNT want at Old Trafford than anything else this week. Lets hope this isn’t his approach in revealing transfer targets as this could be the world’s longest game of Guess Who as the Dutchman eliminates everyone bar his transfer targets slowly but surely. The usual hacks are linking Man Utd to every world class player in Europe and beyond currently, ignoring our ability for cognitive thought. Without Champions League football, even selling a player the ‘long term plan’, its extremely difficult to get the big names in. What you will attract is financial renegades who will play anywhere for more money. Youve already got one of those with Rooney, anymore and the coffers will be looking emptier than an audience for ‘A Night With Rolf Harris’. ‘Can you see what is yet?’ INAPPROPRIATE ROLF thats what it is! (allegedly). I think there is no quick fix at Old Trafford and fans will have to persist with years of transition as they are still struggling with ‘step one’ of the long term plan……….get the right man in place and give him time. Ryan Giggs has retired from the game, some would say this happened two or three years ago, but the formalities were announced by the man himself. Everyone’s favourite adulterer was honoured up and down the land by people lucky enough to not be related to him or have a girlfriend/wife he finds remotely attractive.
In other news a man who has form for the domestic abuse of women, airing his misguided thoughts on anything from The Falklands War to Racism and having the second most boring voice in the world (Clarke Carlisle you are the winner, well done you) announced he is now to be employed by the BBC. Now to my knowledge it is us the tax payer who funds the BBC so why do we have no say to who they employ and shove on our screens? What’s next Andy Gray and Richard Keys on Loose Women? Well if Goals on Sunday hadn’t won me over before now the options of the monotone Alan Shearer, handsey Stan Collymore or clueless John Hartson will sway that decision. Now we just need to find who is going to win my FA Cup viewing figure and can hopefully save me from Adrian Childs offending two of my five senses. This is the only downside to a summer of football as no doubt the offerings of ITV will be accompanied by Childs but thankfully Roy Keane re-adjusts that ying/yang balance. The fear in the eyes of the likes of Dixon and Southgate when Keane disagrees with them is almost comical. As much I hated the player when at Old Trafford I find his honesty refreshing and he certainly is taking the wise words of his Irish compatriot Roy Walker and always does ‘say what he sees’! If anyone is taking requests by the way, Alan Smith and Andy Townsend taking a monk’s vow of silence would be gratefully appreciated also!
