by Bob Lethaby

Former QPR and Spurs boss, Harry Redknapp, has confirmed that he will be returning to his first club, newly promoted Bournemouth, at the end of November.

Redknapp, represented by his own Caymen Islands based company,, has been in discussions with the AFC Bournemouth board of directors since they emerged as genuine promotion contenders in the New Year and as expected after last night’s 3-0 victory over Bolton, the November appointment has been confirmed.

After what is likely to be a string of disappointing results at the start of next season, Redknapp already knows what he will be telling Sky Sports news from the window of his brand new company Mercedes.

“It’s a shame Eddie (Howe) has to go in November as he is a twiffic lad, a smashing fella, a weally, weally, top, top, manager, but the board has made its decision and it’s up to me, with the help of some struck-off agents and unlimited funds, to take this club into liquidation.”

Rumours are already circulating about imminent transfer targets but Rednapp refused to be drawn into idle speculation.

“Bobby Zamora did you say? No, Oh Sorry, I thought you said his name, not that I am interested in Bobby…though what a player, top, top, top drawer the boy is, smashing, fella, great lad, pwopper player…I can pay a top, top striker £100k a week so why would Bobby come here….top, top lad, gweat pedigree…”

Redknapp, who is looking to extend his property portfolio in Sandbanks just a few miles from Bournemouth’s ground, says that November is the right time for a return to the club that he managed thirty years ago, when they beat Manchester United 2-0 in an FA cup game he doesn’t like to talk about.

“Football is fickle, especially when I am sticking the knife in, so as much as it will be a shame, Eddie will be under pwessure, especially with yours truly hanging around the joint like a wasp on a can of Lilt. It will be a shame to see him go in November but that’s football.”

“My future club has nearly as much potential as the gaff I am eyeing up on Brownsea Island, so yes it is a challenge I am looking forward to and intend to undermine all Eddie’s work in every way I can to get the supporters onside.”

“Did you say Jermaine Defoe? Top, top, top fella, proven at every level, smashing to work with, twiffic work rate, great engine, great fella, worth every penny of the £100k weekly wage my new sports agency will offer him…I’m not interested though, he is a Sunderland player.”

Asked if he was interested in a move to the south Coast, Defoe was non-committal.

“I’m a Sundercastle player, but I love Harry and Bournehampton Wanderers are a special club, erm err erm a genuine sleeping giant type thing. For now though, I love the Geordie support, it’s not about money….Fuck me, did someone say £100k a week? Who’s got a pen…where do I sign?

The duration of Redknapp’s contract has not been confirmed but it is widely thought to be be dependent on what comes first, relegation or HMRC financial irregularities.

Meanwhile, off the field, Sandbanks contractor, Knapp Red Sandra Construction Ltd, have been awarded the contract to carry out improvement work at the Goldsands Stadium in preparation for the Premier League.