Wayne Farry looks back on a week of disloyalty, dead follicles, and Charlie Adam’s gravitational pull.
Welcome back to The Farry Report. I took last week off to hibernate during the international break but I’m back, hugely pumped up by our Lord’s rise from the dead and full to the brim with wine and pulled pork.
Where else to start off this week other than with greedy old young Raheem Sterling? Of course, I jest. But the 20 year old’s insistence interview with the BBC last week has not gone down well at all. How dare he, a human adult man, take his own initiative and speak openly about HIS own future?! How dare he not listen blindly to his manager in all matters? How dare he be so selfish as to consider his own career prospects in a sport where your career can often be cut short before you know it? Liverpool fans have described the forward as selfish and greedy, but these same fans were oddly silent when the very same personal ambition brought him to their club from QPR in 2010. The kid has no real allegiance to the club, they’re simply his employers. Employers who often deploy him at wing back to boot! All of this also comes at a terrible time for Liverpool, whose successive league defeats to direct rivals leaves them with about as much chance of qualifying for next season’s Champions League as they have of winning this season’s.
To compile the hilarious misery, there’s also talk that Jordan Henderson – that other beacon of hope and light for the future – has turned down a new deal. With just one year left on his contract, it does give off the almighty impression that Rodgers approaches contract renewals with all the planning of a first-time Football Manager player – too busy with tactics and training to remember that he has to actually renew them at all. Either that or he’s just so arrogant that he feels his very aura and personality will convince them to stay. Either way, I can’t help but feel that this is all bad karma for his stupendously absurd two-hand goal celebration. Good enough for him.
This weekend saw the Tyne-Wear derby take place and Sunderland took their record to five wins in a row. It would be easy to say that this derby is one of those games where “form goes out the window” but that would suggest that form was ever inside the window in the first place. The truth is that these are two of the most formless, gormless sides in football and quite simply, Sunderland was just less shit than their rivals. They may just survive due to Advocaat reminding them that they at least have to run and work a bit, but that might not be enough. Newcastle however, though safe, are dead for all intents and purposes. Not just the team but the club. The only positive note is that I find a slight degree of painful irony in the fact that they have a manager named Carver while simultaneously having an owner who is systematically cutting every iota of heart, soul and integrity out of their club. My heart genuinely goes out to Newcastle’s fans: Shearer’s follicles didn’t die for this.
Two quick tit-bits before we part ways this week. Firstly, how fucking amazing was Charlie Adam’s goal this weekend?! The incredibly dislikeable and buck-toothed Scot made the thoroughly likeable goat-faced Thibaut Courtois look quite silly indeed and it was all down to technique. It may not have been evident at the time but the manner in which he used his rotund and Rubenesque frame to actually drag the Earth towards his ball while in full flight was quite something. I can’t attest to have seen every football match ever played but I can safely assume no one has ever been capable of leveraging the world’s very axis against their own fat arse, at least not at the highest level. Truly, je suis Charlie!
Finally, we pop to Turkey, where Wesley Sneijder – once and forever a target of Manchester United – has released his very own set of knives. Now there’s nothing wrong with releasing your own knives. Jamie Oliver has done so and he’s a significantly bigger prick than Sneijder. Where Sneijder – or at least his representatives – did go wrong was the fact they released them on the anniversary of the deaths of two Leeds United fans who were stabbed by Galatasary fans, fifteen years ago. But I do pity Sneijder, it’s not his fault that they were released when they were and I’d go so far as to say he had barely any role to play in any part of the knife making process. But you also get the feeling that as time goes on and days accumulate, each new dawn will bring another anniversary or reason you can’t do something. Thankfully though, this controversy hasn’t dampened Sneijder’s entrepreneurial spirit – he plans to release his new kids’ game – Plane Jenga – in September.