In the first of a summer-long series we asked Nick Pettigrew to take stock of his club’s season. Spoiler alert: It’s ‘not great’.

How did your club fare compared to your pre-season hopes/expectation?

Last season we had a genuine crack at the title that faltered at the end due to inexperience. This season we got hammered 6-1 by Stoke and our best player of the last 20 years left. So, not great.

2014/15 highlight

Watching Coutinho develop from a promising prospect to a genuine talent. He’ll be a joy to watch until we sell him for a fortune in 12 months’ time and replace him with three expensive no-marks.

Season’s low point

So many to choose from but it’s a toss up between Gerrard not lasting a minute against Man U and Aidy Ward’s poor impersonation of a human being.

Player of the year

Coutinho. A genuine joy to watch and somebody we should start building the team around.

Was there a particular goal/moment that got you out of your seat? 

Basel’s winning goal against us. Out of my seat to go to the fridge for another beer. I couldn’t face watching us in Europe sober, that’s for sure.

Player you’d be happiest see leave this summer

Sterling. If he wants to go, let him go. I’d rather have, say, a motivated Milner in my side than a stroppy child who’s won nothing and thinks he’s Messi.

Want your manager to still be in charge next term?

Tough one. We’ve tended not to work our way through managers and we’re a far better side than the one he inherited. But it does begin to look like he’s running out of ideas.

You can go back in time and offer the gaffer one bit of advice prior to the season just gone based on what you know is to come. What would it be?

“Seriously, don’t do the guard of honour before the Palace game. It’s…well, it’s kind of embarrassing.

Which opposing player received the loudest boos and which opposing player impressed you the most?

In a team chock full of objectionable characters, Fellaini manages to be the most unpleasant. It’s quite an achievement. Opposition-wise, Benteke looks immense.

If at all, how did the media’s portrayal of your club in 2014/15 differ from the reality?

The media like to portray us as sentimental, obsessed with our past and slavishly obsessed with the cult of Stevie G. So, well, yeah…