On his sixth day of a very productive week God created all the creatures that live on dry land. He then put some time aside and invented accumulators.
What in the name of all that is holy did we ever do before that gloriously seismic event? Before the bearded bookie in the sky devised a game-changer that would improve the quality of our lives by at least 5% forever. We just watched football I suppose, and if our team wasn’t involved we’d vaguely hope that one side won because the other side’s fans are a bit annoying on Twitter.
Accumulators changed all that. They made the whole of football painfully and wonderfully relevant to each and every one of us meaning we suddenly had a very real stake in a veritable smorgasbord of matches spread across the weekend and beyond. From Dumbarton to Dortmund it keeps us glued to Soccer Saturday right until the last full-time: it’s even achieved the near impossible in making Europa Cup nights interesting.
Every weekend millions of us – really, I have the stats here and it says millions – skip optimistically into our local bookies or chew our bottom lips off staring at our phone compiling a meticulously considered four-fold. The maniacs go for six with some even going for eight. The latter are not to be trusted with real cutlery.
And why? So we can nonchalantly press cash-out and be all externally cool while inside screaming ‘IN YOUR FACE BOOKMAKER. I AM A DIETY OF GAMBLING AND I FORETOLD ALL OF THIS’.
One quick question then: Why are most of us so terminally bad at doing them? More pertinently, why is something so fun and encompassing so flippin’ infuriating?
Fear not though because the Cutter is on hand, to offer up some hard-earned advice from years of pure misery.
Back the draw
When seeking the thoughts of a betting expert some years ago the very first thing he said was to never, ever back the stalemate. This though is a post-Brexit world where we have scant time for experts and so we say go for it and go for it often.
Draws are boring, nobody roots for a draw and the bookmakers are acutely aware of this which is why they’ll rarely venture slimmer than 11/5 whoever the respective teams are. For the best prices – and offers – incidentally check out Free Bets UK.
Unless you’re planning on watching the game in question – because nobody wants to spend ninety minute hoping that nothing of note happens – take advantage of there being a tedious, unloved option.
Limit to a few
Choosing how many fixtures are included in your acca really comes down to personal preference. Do you want the occasional profit a treble affords, to splurge on a bonus takeaway? Or are you more inclined to wait for a big pay day every blue moon when an unlikely eight-fold comes in?
As stated, there is no right or wrong here but it’s certainly worth noting that accumulators are extremely popular with the betting industry for a good reason. It’s because the chances of success are stacked against us.
By shortening your number of picks you naturally readdress the balance of probability and even if the pay-out is significantly lower a win is a win right?
Avoid lunchtime kick-offs at all costs
The cardinal sin of acca betting. Under no circumstances succumb to the temptation of including an early kick-off in your meticulously sculpted multiple because they will always, always, without fail let you down.
Go for form over stature
An obvious one to end with but you’d be amazed how often a familiar name lures us into ticking that virtual box regardless of their current misfortunes. Monaco springs to mind here. Monaco are ace aren’t they. Great kit, big-game players. And here they are, at a very reasonable price at home to a team you’ve barely heard of.
That’s because les rouges et blancs are presently struggling woefully at the foot of Ligue 1. They’re a very reasonable price because this season Monaco are mired in crisis and are essentially a French Huddersfield.
When it comes to accas go for form every time. Stature is for tourists and history buffs.