Graffiti found near to the entrace of Barton's lair.
The Cutter has gained exclusive access inside Joey Barton’s persecution complex, a sprawling, previously-unseen compound that is situated at a top secret location somewhere in the North-East.
For years now people have been speculating about the very existence of the complex, suggesting that the sweet and tender hooligan may just be a very angry young man.
Today however we can provide photographic evidence that not only proves conclusively the reality of the base of hate but also exposes the true extent of the footballer’s unhinged psychosis.
Our brave trespassing reporters discovered an arsenal of weaponry ready to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting British public at any moment along with a crudely assembled home-made gym in one of the back rooms of the sparse, warren-like building. It is believed that Barton pumps iron here manically late into each evening whilst listening to spoken-word tapes of Nietzsche quotations and crying at the unfairness of it all.
On each sheet was the line ‘All play and no violence makes Joey a dull boy’ typed over and over.
Through the maze of dimly-lit tunnels keeping your balance is precarious as the ill-matching carpet samples underfoot are scattered with literally thousands of loose marbles. Exposed wiring hang down from the ceiling, occasionally sparking into electrical life. In one small alcove we discovered a drink’s globe with the word ‘enemy’ scrawled violently with felt-tip across the whole northern hemisphere. Inside the globe were cheap energy drinks and a large phial of dark red liquid we assumed to be blood. In the far end of the complex we unearthed an old-fashioned typewriter surrounded by reams of paper. On each sheet was the line ‘All play and no violence makes Joey a dull boy’ typed over and over. The dusty desk on which the typewriter sat appeared to contain several bite marks.
We have passed our findings on to the appropriate authorities though it is feared that the quiffed Twit’s level of paranoid delusion is only escalating. Recently he has grown weary of waging a one-man war with the entire world and has set his wrathful gaze upon extra-terrestrial life-forms and the universe at large. Only last week he tweeted ‘Just watched Alien. That thing popping out of John Hurt’s belly was looking at me funny. Fucking come ‘ead then!’ whilst on Saturday he viscously assaulted a Klingon in the St James’ Park penalty area.
Many Bothans died to bring you this information.
The stockpile of weaponry discovered in a hidden room.
The crudely assembled gymnasium
Inside Barton's library of hate
A homage to idol Mozzer found in toilet
