New Sunderland manager Martin O’Neill’s job was last night ‘hanging by a thread’ according to sources in the North-East following their dismal defeat to lowly Wolves.

O’Neill was expected to revitalise a team stripped of all confidence after undergoing the trauma of being shouted at daily for several years by a bloated gargoyle in a tracksuit but at Molineux his reign got off to the worst possible start. A 2-1 reverse to a side that is only allowed to participate in the top flight because Mick McCarthy makes everyone laugh in his post-match interviews leaves the Wearsiders perilously close to the drop-zone and the club’s chairman and owner Ellis Short is now considering all possible avenues available to him in a desperate bid to stem the unrelenting tide of shit. This includes making changes in the dug-out.

“How he’s still in a job defies belief. If he keeps this up we’ll be down by Christmas”

An exasperated Sunderland fan exclusively told the Cutter this evening, “Chancers like Kean at Blackburn are hounded by fans but at least he can oversee the odd win or two. O’Neill’s record currently stands at played one, lost one. A 100% loss rate. How he’s still in a job defies belief. If he keeps this up we’ll be down by Christmas.”

There is however divided opinion with some emitting sympathy for the Irishman’s predicament. Terry Andrews, the chief reporter from the Sunderland Bugle, has asked for a degree of realism from the baying mob of protesting supporters who stayed behind after yesterday’s game and chanted for their gaffer’s head.

“Where are they expecting Martin to conjure up goals from? With no recognized strikers in the squad he is forced to rely on the services of Nicklas Bendtner for Christ’s sake”

Even so it is looking increasingly like the eccentric former pundit may be soon returning to the television studios as Ladbrokes declared last night they are no longer taking bets on his departure.

In an entirely unrelated matter Mark Hughes has penned an article in a tabloid today claiming he is not interested in the position but then detailing specifically what he would do different if he was approached.