"25 million? Bargain that son"

“25 million? Bargain that son”

Jez Roberts reviews today’s papers for transfer truth, speculation and pages and pages of nonsense in between. 

It is 1st February, the family are sat down in front of the tele watching Jim White on Sky Sports News, and the window ends at 11pm: which over priced and over-paid player will your club sign? Everyone is excited, the tabloids normally go crazy with Neymar to Man Utd, Messi to City. So first let’s see what they have to offer this year.

Firstly, I am going to start with the Daily Mirror, the back page is taken up with the John Terry bombshell from yesterday, ‘Captain Leaver Legend’ they cry. They do miss out the other less favourable things he has been up to; just ask Wayne Bridge or Anton Ferdinand next time you see them. But back to transfers! ‘Bera Daze’ they cry, ‘Saido Berahino is at the centre of a £25million three-way transfer battle’. Spurs, Newcastle and Stoke are the three clubs in question. The West Brom Chairmen, Jeremy Pearce, has insisted that he is not for sale, but the Mirror claims he is entering the last 18 months of his contact so there may be movement for an over-priced English Premier League striker.

Watford boss Quique Flores is ready to go head-to-head with Gary Neville over Getafe winger Pable Sarabia and there is only one way this will end – with Flores’ head on a spike. There is also news that Joleon Lescott might be making a move to La Galaxy with the main draw being able to hook up again with lifelong La Galaxy fan Robbie Keane. Manchester United are also lining up a large bid for an unheard of 18 year old. This time it’s Benfica’s Renato Sanches. They could do with some pace upfront, but this is deadline day so all sanity must be thrown out of the window.

There is also the story of Denis Cheryshev to Liverpool, a narrative that came about due to Texiera looking too costly. This story isn’t very silly season sadly: Cheryshev will likely move before the day is out but probably not to Anfield.

Now onto the S*n. More stories about Terry…but in better and more exciting news Tottenham continue their quest to field a whole team of Moussa Dembeles. The clubs have apparently agreed a fee but Fulham want him back on loan. Sadly, there are no majorly ridiculous stories here. Michu might re-appear at Aston Villa: he has recently been playing in the 4th tier of Spain to gain fitness after ankle problems. There is more Berahino news and also the Jordan Rhodes to Middlesbrough story, £13million for a Championship striker, what a time to be alive!

Now onto the Daily Mail. GPs VOTE TO AXE CARE HOME VISITS cries the front page. I am having none of it. It’s deadline day so all of the worlds problem stop and everyone is glued to their telly to find out Odemwingie has driven to their club to try and force a transfer. I have had to fight through pages and pages of match reviews to find the single deadline day page. Again Berahino is the centre piece. But there is a club-by-club guide. Which claims that top of the league Leicester need a striker, midfielder and defender. At least they have the goalkeeper sorted. The same stories begin to be repeated and regurgitated here which makes me suspect today is not going to be exciting.

Now onto the UKIP supporters paper of choice, The Daily Express. 10p cheaper than the Mail and ten times better the front tells me. But there is only one transfer story and that again is of Berahino. But what more can you expect from a newspaper that is suspicious of anyone from overseas?

Now onto something a little different from the i newspaper. They haven’t bothered with frivolous transfer stories. They have gone with Murray’s defeat and John Terry again. The most interesting story from today, across all the media, is that there has been outrage at the racist abuse Carlisle fans threw at Arouna Kone and Aaron Lennon, but John Terry is portrayed as a hero and Chelsea legend…

Now the Daily Star. I’m excited for this as I have never opened one before. For 20p I am expecting sensationalist stories. But alas no, just the one lone story of Berahino. Gutter-pointed as my Dad would say.

This transfer window could become the worst in living memory. There are a few rumours and things going on. Andy Hunter has claimed that Everton are about to sign a new striker from FC Lokomotiv Moscow for £13.5million. But the tabloids have let us all down. Deadline day is supposed to be a day of fun and ridicule. But they haven’t stepped up to the mark.

Now go to the Guardian’s website and watch How to create the perfect transfer rumour and have a go yourself.

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