A Zenit St Petersburg supporters group called Landscrona recently provoked widespread disgust for publishing an open letter to the club demanding that non-white and gay footballers be excluded from the team.

We asked Joseph Guthrie to respond with an open letter of his own and here, writing as The Auracle, he gives it to the racist scumbags with both barrels.

To whom it may concern:

I’m not going to waste any time with pleasantries because frankly, you deserve none.  Obviously, there’s a realm within the confines of your own anal cavity where you can still expect to be shown the highest respect after writing something like that abhorrent, backward-ass, contradictory manifesto that you penned but here on Earth where the decent people dwell among the assholes like your little affront for Stormfront (and I’m not talking about the UK-based premium Apple reseller of the same name), that s*** is thoroughly unacceptable and utterly laughable.  I’ve taken the time to read your pitiful temper-tantrum and really, I feel your open letter deserves a proper response.  A response that will act as a brutal lesson; that you should think about the ramifications of what you’re saying before you decide to embarrass yourselves.  Consider me a humble representative of all people – Russian or otherwise – that just want to get on with the game and not worry about expending precious energy chanting down idiotic, dinosaur-esque people like you when we could be using it to support our respective clubs and the game of football as a whole.  Trouble is: we can’t do that because you racist, bigoted, knuckle-dragging pr***s keep getting in the way of a positive movement and sometimes, passive aggression simply doesn’t work.  Fortunately, I’m taking your nonsense and chucking it right back in the same direction the bananas you throw came from.  I hope you’re hungry because I’m going to feed you some serious food for thought.

You start off your manifesto after you all finished your pity-party/gangbang and w***ing off to pictures of some random Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan by saying that you need to “strengthen your concepts in a certain way.”  How exactly does the most racist club in Russia “strengthen” it’s “concepts” apart from waving bananas at Roberto Carlos?  It gives me great pleasure to point out that your club is one of the most backwards in all of sport, never mind football and you all clearly have the memory span of a goldfish (no doubt a racist one).  When you finish your boring drivel about what direction the club should be going and what the club should be doing – completely ignoring the fact that the game of football has changed and virtually every single club in the world has been forced to change along with it – you start off your section entitled “Zenith & black players” with ‘We are not racists.’  That is – and I’m quoting Karl Pilkington here – bulls***.  You are incredibly racist.  Your former manager in Dick Advocaat and every black player playing in the Russian Premier League from Christopher Samba to Vagner Love have not only acknowledged your despicable presence, they acknowledge you as a horrible blemish on the Russian game.

The only thing more revolting than that pitiful Zenith & black players section is the one entitled “The Mentality of the (human).”  I’m sorry… did you think you could broadcast your fascist rubbish and get away with it?  I’m convinced you do because the last time I saw a shortlist of requirements like yours for what makes a great candidate for a certain organization [like yours], I was reading up on the National Socialist German Workers party and how they actively sought to “purify” their ranks by striving to create an Aryan race.  They actively persecuted and/or imposed extreme forms of exclusionary segregation upon blacks and homosexuals.  Ringing any bells?  It should do because you’re proposing to do the exact same things the Nazis did, short of extreme violence and creating your own holocaust.  Speaking of that shortlist, I’m willing to bet my last Euro that a rather large percentage of Landskrona wouldn’t even meet the criteria you’ve set out, let alone pass for match fitness.  Proper behaviour in daily life, respect for people, publically demonstrating addiction to alcohol or cigarettes?  You’re kidding me, right?  If we sat your lot in front of an independent judiciary to review your worthiness for being a member of the Zenith, you lot would be laughed out of the bloody building.  Here’s a pro tip: it’s probably a great idea to make damn sure that you meet your own standards before holding others to account.

You claim not to be Nationalist but you only want players that represent the “cultural values” of your St. Petersburg.  You claim not to be racist and yet you threaten your club’s manager every time you catch wind that he’s about to sign a black player; lest we forget the amount of monkey chants and banana chucking you’ve subjected the oppositions’ black players to.  How ironic is it that you refer to black players as ‘monkeys’ when it is you all that continue to act like a pack of rabid gorillas.  How funny that you don’t want homosexual players representing the Zenith and yet there are gangs of Zenit ultras in the stands, all shirtless and rubbing up on each other for ninety minutes. Come come now… surely you can agree that the latter is quite homo-erotic?  You conclude the manifesto by saying that you don’t believe your vision is absolute dogma and this just underlines how deluded you idiots are.  Do you even know the definition of dogma?  Dogma is known as “a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true.”  You hold your manifesto and the beliefs within it to be absolutely true and to be in the best interest for every Zenit supporter, let alone the entire city of St Petersburg.  Your manifesto is your neo-Nazi, ultra fascist, and deeply racist dogma manifest.

With all this said, I have a perfect solution for you to consider: break away from the club.  Your defiance will whittle away into nothing more than apathy and then you’ll start to see that you can’t stem the tide of direction Zenit St Petersburg and every other club in the world is moving in: toward a post-racial society that is already multicultural in its makeup but is shedding the dead weight of yester century and starts to embrace how beautiful the world is without the ugliness of racism and other various forms of bigotry.  Yes, I suggest you break away from the club and form a new one, where you can all circle jerk to pictures of Adolf Hitler and officers of the Gestapo that took pride in making people’s lives a living hell for reasons beyond their control: their ethnicity and/or sexual orientation.

Break away from Zenit St Petersburg.  You can’t see that your manifesto is killing the club that you claim to love so much so do the club you love and football supporters around the world a favour and f*** right off out of the Russian top flight; out of UEFA; out of FIFA.

Oh, and take Platini and Blatter with you.  We don’t want their racism-apologist, misogynistic, greed-driven asses but it would appear their actions and views fit right in with the overall direction of your manifesto.


A football fan that loves football, not ugly isms and schisms.

P.S. As a proud Manchester United supporter, I hope Liverpool kick your f***ing faces in and dump you out of Europe faster than the old Soviets besieged Nazi Berlin during World War II.  I hope Rahim Sterling, Glen Johnson (the racist apologist that he is), and every other black Liverpool player pumps your team so hard, you’ll wish you never competed in a European competition ever again.  Anything to see the back of you sorry excuses for human beings. Tara, t*** stains.